Was dying, then Surrendered and stopped the suicide.
What is Recovery? The quality of life is improved, and meaningful direction in life is found in recovery. This improvement can be physical, mental, and/or emotional. Recovery begins with Surrender. Surrender means stop trying to change what you can not change. Surrender means finding the courage to begin the recovery journey, and making the decision to take action to find what can be changed.
Alcoholism and addiction are sneaky. At first they help us have good times and good feelings, but then little by little they take control of our lives. They can relieve pain temporarily, and operate in the background of our lives. We don’t even notice what is going on. It is very hard to recognize when we are losing control. We lie to ourselves and to those that care about us. We deny any problem. Alcoholism and addiction are very sneaky!
In surrender, we give up control to gain control. The word surrender is a powerfully hopeful word of recovery. The recovery process addresses what needs to stop and what needs to be done. The destructive behavior needs to stop and a new way of living needs to be found. It is not about “simply giving up”; rather it is about confronting the problem seriously and affirming a different way to live.
Trying to change oneself was extremely difficult if not impossible.Alone, we could not change for the better. Alone, it was easier to stay with what we knew than it was to change. Even if we knew it would lead us downhill into a self-made hell. We surrendered being alone and asked for help!
While I was living my alcoholic story, my life did not make a lot of sense to me. I was always looking for something or someone to make me feel good. When I was drinking, I wanted instant gratification.I wanted to feel better right now!
However, alcohol was running my life, and I was someone I did not want to be. I was hiding my drinking from my family and having blackouts. I was doing things I did not want to do, I was hurting people I did not want to hurt. I was drinking more than I wanted to. I often needed a drink to just stop my hands from shaking when I awoke. My day was planned around alcohol. Alcohol was in complete control of my life. I knew I could not stop. I was going to kill myself or someone else with my drunk driving. If that did not happen, I was sure I was going insane. I was approaching a point of no return and going downhill fast.
I went on long weekend binge. At the end of the binge I found myself in a cheap motel, locked out of my house with a restraining order. I was a slave to alcohol. I was beat. At one time I was afraid of alcohol, now I was afraid of me. I did not trust my abilities to control anything in my life, including me. I did not trust me.I needed help. I felt hopeless, confused, and ashamed of all I wasted.
I had to stop killing myself. I had to stop the slow suicide of “I don’t care, all I want to do is drink.” I had to Surrender the old way of dying for a new way of living. Change was needed, if I was going to become the person I wanted to be. I gave up the fight and Surrendered
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Alcoholism and addiction can have major economic, emotional and physical costs beyond what is costs the alcoholic and addict. Too often these are paid by innocent bystanders, like friends, family, neighbors or complete strangers.
I do not believe that someone wakes up one morning and says to themselves, “Today I am going to get drunk (or high) and go out and kill someone with my car.” Yet, it happens. Alcohol and drugs are sneaky. Below are a few examples of not Surrendering.
- Cost of a DUI/DWI – Links to information about State DUI/DWI laws and penalties. There is also a table illustrating some of the economic cost.
- Under 21 Drunk Driving – Very important for young people to know. It can change their life! (Thanks to Laura and Becca)
- Drink and Drive? – A little boy lost much because some stranger drank and drove.
- Best Friends? – The horror of the morning after is stretched into a life long horrible memory.
- Anger and Alcohol – Mixing anger and alcohol was a very deadly mixture, killing 12 people.
- Evolution of Policing – An informative resource that reports on the history of policing from nightwatchmen to controversial police departments of today in the United States.